'Top Five Sports Movies' Part 1

Apparently I like lists because for the second time in two weeks, I am putting together a top five list. Truth be told, I am really tired and feel like dung. I could do a list like this in my sleep and it does not require much effort therefore making it a fabulous topic to write about. This list of course is Top Five Sports Movies. As with my Top Five QB’s post, its entirely subjective and worthy of debate. Bottom line? If someone put a gun to my head and said ‘You may only watch these five sports movies for rest of your life’ (an extremely odd premise, I know.)....these would be the five I would choose. I apologize in advance for what may seem to be a prevailing baseball theme. Off we go...






5. 'Field of Dreams'- A pretty easy pick and a smooth way to start the list. Great movie filled with baseball history, relationships between fathers and sons, with a touch of the surreal. I am not here to summarize the movies... if you have seen them, then you know they are good and if you haven’t seen them...then get up off your ass and go buy, rent, or borrow these movies right now. They are great and you would not even be reading this if you did not like sports and subsequently sports movies. So there. Field of Dreams is unique in numerous ways. It starred Kevin Costner back when his career was worth more than a chewed up gum ball... also known as gum I guess. It also starred the always awesome James Earl Jones...can never go wrong with that guy. I liked the way the movie incorporated old time baseball from the early twentieth century with a touch of, what I called , mystical spooky. It’s the only way you can have guys who died decades ago, come back in their young athletic prime form and play ball in the middle of a corn field baseball diamond. Mystical spooky works. The cinematography is great and bonus points go to the portion of the movie where Costner and Jones end up going to Fenway Park to watch the Sox and end up seeing a mystical spooky message on the scoreboard. Ultimately, my favorite part of the movie is the end when Ray (Costner’ character) realizes that all the voices and the crazy things he has done has led him to the point where he was able to meet his Dad, who was a minor league player before Ray was born. Ray and his Dad had a falling out and his Dad died before they could reconcile. The movie ends with Ray and his Dad playing catch...while an endless stream of cars start arriving at the farm to watch the mystical spooky players from days gone by play. Good stuff.

4. 'Slap Shot'- Probably the best and funniest hockey movie ever. Made in 1979 and starring Paul Newman. Newman being the player/coach for an absolutely wretched minor league hockey team, the Charlestown Chiefs. In order to avoid the team being folded.. Newman devises a masterful way of putting fans in the seats..he turns his team into a bunch of feckless thugs on ice skates. They start fights and literally just bludgeon other players. The highlight of this team and the movie is The Hanson Brothers. Three crazy Canadian players who just like to do nothing but mug and beat the ever loving crap out of opposing players. They put aluminum foil on their knuckles to keep them from splitting when they are pounding on whomever. 'Puttin on the foil coach..' Even Newman starts a fight with an opposing goaltender by yelling at said goalie, that he knows his wife is a lesbian. But he uses much more colorful metaphors to describe what she likes to... um.... munch. The clothes are late 70's atrocious and thus amusing. Great movie...have watched it gillions of times and I do own a replica Charlestown Chiefs jersey.

3. 'Major League'- Essentially, the funniest baseball movie ever. So many quotable lines... 'Come on Dorn! Get in front of the damn ball! Don’t give me any of this oleeee bullshit!' or perhaps this one 'Well you may run like Mays, but you hit like shit'.Just one more? 'Ahhh Jesus.. I like him very much.. But he no help me with curve ball.' 'Are you tryin’ to tell me that Jesus Christ can’t hit a curveball?!?' 'Come on Harris lets not start a Holy War..' 'Well.. I wouldn’t leave that rum lyin around with this bunch...' 'Tis very bad to steal Joe Boo’s rum.. Tis VERY bad' (spooky voodoo music and.......... scene!) Ugh.. I could go on and on. Basically the Cleveland Indians are like the worst team of all time...the owner wants to move the team to Miami and if attendance is low enough she can exercise a clause in the lease with the city of Cleveland to let them go. She packs the team full of super craptastic players in hopes that they will stink it up and allow her to bounce the team to Miami. Naturally tons of hilarity ensues followed by the inevitable team unity, winning a bunch of games and winning the predictable but still entertaining playoff game against the scum of the earth Yankees. Charlie Sheen, probably his best role ever. If you have seen any of his other movies then you know I am right. But the total star of the movie is Bob Uecker as radio play by play announcer, Harry Doyle. I’ll just close out with a just a couple of gems: 'Haywood leads the league in most offensive categories...including nose hair' 'Give (insert unimportant players name that I can’t remember here) some credit for sacrificing his body on that racket...that guys got a family to think about' 'Vaughn into the windup....... Juuuuust a bit outside, tried the corner and missed. Ball 4, Ball 8, Ball 12, and Vaughn has walked the bases loaded on 12 straight pitches.' I giggled multiple times just writing this.
Coming tomorrow.. The top two movies. These movies are more drama oriented, just in case any of you think that I am a shallow huckster who thinks 'Beavis and Butthead' is the best television show ever made. :)